congo_red_49
Ale Ape
Rome wasn’t built in a day, but I wasn’t on that job.
Don’t be confused, don’t be in any doubt, this is the greatest ever Storytime with Uncle Congo!
It was on a dreary night of April and Dr. Marinakistein paused to behold the accomplishment of his toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, he collected his thoughts and called to mind the knowledge of ownership that had worked in the past, that he might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless club that lay all around him.
It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes of his penthouse, and his scented candles had nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, he saw the dull red eye of his manager open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.
How could he describe his emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch whom with such infinite pains and care he had endeavoured to form? The squad had been assembled with balance and the manager who now kneeled before him presided over players selected to be able to play the game beautifully. Beautifully! Great God! The new contract scarcely covered the cracks in the squad and the injuries that had beset them; the International and Premier League experience was countless but these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with the dismal football that seemed more akin to a relegation haunted team that must desperately grind out results.
For a moment, Marinakistein saw just how ugly a squad could become when the temptation to make further changes resulted in a hotch-potch that was somehow less than the sum of it’s parts, but that was a fleeting moment and he knew he would now have to change something else.
Right, that’s enough of that nonsense, Leeds would write a better story anyway.
The last game before the international break saw an ill-disciplined Wolves side grab a point and Daniel Podence break the world record for expectorate velocity by hoiking a loogie so quick it couldn’t even be caught on camera.
And now, it’s time once again for the moment you’ve all been waiting for – it’s Congo’s Match FACTS! A recurring series which hasn't run nearly as long as one over on the Leeds United Forum.
Leeds are the longest standing club in the football league, being founded before the birth of Jesus Christ. They have spent their entire existence in the Premier League, as the only member before it was even founded.
Leeds United’s club nickname is “The Absolute and Undisputed greatest of all Time” in honour of the fact that nobody has ever done anything better than them. FACT.
Leeds United’s home ground is Elland Road, the oldest known football stadium, which currently has the largest capacity of any stadium anywhere in the world, with comfiest seats and best views.
Leeds United traditionally play in all white. A nod to their immaculate conception as footballing gods.
Leeds United have won more trophies, titles and even games than any other club. Ever.
Leeds Untied are owned by God himself – who simultaneously invests more money in the club than any other owner whilst also running the club better than any other owner.
Leeds United’s mascot is ‘Kop Kat’, a snow leopard that was named by the fans in a 2005 competition. Thankfully this was long before the relatively recent convention of polls getting flooded with joke entries, as Katty McKatface would simply be unbecoming of the greatest mascot ever invented.
“If Leeds were a beer…They would be…”
Watney’s Party Seven
Obviously, they would be the greatest beer ever invented. It is stronger and tastier than any other beer ever invented. Lasts longer and is both a stronger percentage than any other beer but at the same time doesn’t get you drunk.
Don’t be confused, don’t be in any doubt, this is the greatest ever Storytime with Uncle Congo!
It was on a dreary night of April and Dr. Marinakistein paused to behold the accomplishment of his toils. With an anxiety that almost amounted to agony, he collected his thoughts and called to mind the knowledge of ownership that had worked in the past, that he might infuse a spark of being into the lifeless club that lay all around him.
It was already one in the morning; the rain pattered dismally against the panes of his penthouse, and his scented candles had nearly burnt out, when, by the glimmer of the half-extinguished light, he saw the dull red eye of his manager open; it breathed hard, and a convulsive motion agitated its limbs.
How could he describe his emotions at this catastrophe, or how delineate the wretch whom with such infinite pains and care he had endeavoured to form? The squad had been assembled with balance and the manager who now kneeled before him presided over players selected to be able to play the game beautifully. Beautifully! Great God! The new contract scarcely covered the cracks in the squad and the injuries that had beset them; the International and Premier League experience was countless but these luxuriances only formed a more horrid contrast with the dismal football that seemed more akin to a relegation haunted team that must desperately grind out results.
For a moment, Marinakistein saw just how ugly a squad could become when the temptation to make further changes resulted in a hotch-potch that was somehow less than the sum of it’s parts, but that was a fleeting moment and he knew he would now have to change something else.
Right, that’s enough of that nonsense, Leeds would write a better story anyway.
The last game before the international break saw an ill-disciplined Wolves side grab a point and Daniel Podence break the world record for expectorate velocity by hoiking a loogie so quick it couldn’t even be caught on camera.
And now, it’s time once again for the moment you’ve all been waiting for – it’s Congo’s Match FACTS! A recurring series which hasn't run nearly as long as one over on the Leeds United Forum.
Leeds are the longest standing club in the football league, being founded before the birth of Jesus Christ. They have spent their entire existence in the Premier League, as the only member before it was even founded.
Leeds United’s club nickname is “The Absolute and Undisputed greatest of all Time” in honour of the fact that nobody has ever done anything better than them. FACT.
Leeds United’s home ground is Elland Road, the oldest known football stadium, which currently has the largest capacity of any stadium anywhere in the world, with comfiest seats and best views.
Leeds United traditionally play in all white. A nod to their immaculate conception as footballing gods.
Leeds United have won more trophies, titles and even games than any other club. Ever.
Leeds Untied are owned by God himself – who simultaneously invests more money in the club than any other owner whilst also running the club better than any other owner.
Leeds United’s mascot is ‘Kop Kat’, a snow leopard that was named by the fans in a 2005 competition. Thankfully this was long before the relatively recent convention of polls getting flooded with joke entries, as Katty McKatface would simply be unbecoming of the greatest mascot ever invented.
“If Leeds were a beer…They would be…”
Watney’s Party Seven
Obviously, they would be the greatest beer ever invented. It is stronger and tastier than any other beer ever invented. Lasts longer and is both a stronger percentage than any other beer but at the same time doesn’t get you drunk.
