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Alternate Reality

congo_red_49

Ale Ape
Apropos of nothing, I drank enough coffee this morning for my consciousness to travel to another reality. I brought back with me memories of the Forest squad from there

1. Dean Henderdad
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2. Giuliane Biansphere
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3. Steve Raw
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4. Joe Peaceall
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5. Orel Childgala
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6. Loic Probably Not
471D5756-F84B-4585-8139-8DB65FDC0929.jpeg

7. Neco Wontiams
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8. Jack Colfront
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9. Taino Awoahnelly
16F30CAF-9DFF-4EF8-9A56-457E3202DDCD.jpeg

11. Jesse LANguard
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congo_red_49

Ale Ape
Life is boring in the Congo world.
On the contrary, I keep myself entertained.

This post was actually in Lieu of the 'Forest Ladies' post I've done the last couple of years, after one poster got offended by the 'Sexism' and got it relegated to General Discussion, where it was never viewed again.

This year I've gone for Ageism, Class and weight Discrimination, just to be safe.
 

valspoodle

Steve Chettle
On the contrary, I keep myself entertained.

This post was actually in Lieu of the 'Forest Ladies' post I've done the last couple of years, after one poster got offended by the 'Sexism' and got it relegated to General Discussion, where it was never viewed again.

This year I've gone for Ageism, Class and weight Discrimination, just to be safe.
Quite true, one man's meat is another man's poison.

Maybe I'm the bored one!
 

Captain Sinister

Senior doom Monger
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.
 

congo_red_49

Ale Ape
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.
Can't remember if I've told this story anywhere on the boards before, but I remember, back when I was growing up, my Mum became fed up with the variety of different, cheap internal doors fitted across my parents house and tasked my Dad with replacing them all with brand new, good quality doors.
My Dad has always been very handy, but he hadn't tried his hand at this particular task before. He spend the best part of Day 1 cutting and planing down the first door, which would be the upstairs bathroom door. I remember he used some of the huge range of tools at his disposal getting the door to be the perfect size and completely straight/square...

...and that where he went wrong. As soon as he offered the door up to the hinges, it became very clear that the door frame itself was a very long way from square. Still, it was an expensive door and couldn't go to waste. To this day, when I visit my Dad's house, I chuckle at the bathroom door, with it's progressively increasing gaps from hinge to latch at the bottom, and vice versa at the top.
 

Gyros Peter

Sauce salad?
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.
Watch those fingers!
 

OLDMANRED

Jack Burkitt
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.
Half a dozen tacks and an old curtain will do the same job
 

Jimmy

First Team Squad
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.

You need a bigger hammer. Any foo kno dat 'itting tings wiv a bigger 'ammer makes 'em work betterer.
 

Strummer

Socialismo O Muerte!
LTLF Minion
Just get a Dremel.

Makes such jobs much easier.
 

Viktor

Bee Gees Fan Club member #00001
BJ looks a bit like Alfie Brown
 

Notcher

Stuart Pearce
I haven't got time to be bored now I'm retired.
Day 2 of trying to fit a mortice lock to a new bathroom door.
By the end of day 1 the "newness" of the door was fading and the door had the appearance of something from a scrap yard.
I was bottom of the class in woodwork, and time has not improved my skill with a hammer and chisel.
Trying to save several thousand pounds or so on fitting my new kitchen and granite worktops last week I decided the best thing to do was for it myself despite being absolutely shite at joinery and not being the most competent in accurate measuring. What the f*** was I thinking??

It's very, very slowly coming together and granite, despite weighing 300tonnes a square inch is a fragile beast. I wish I'd hoofed £5k into a professionals pocket and let them get on with it. Never again.

Sent using Tapatalk
 

Captain Sinister

Senior doom Monger
Trying to save several thousand pounds or so on fitting my new kitchen and granite worktops last week I decided the best thing to do was for it myself despite being absolutely shite at joinery and not being the most competent in accurate measuring. What the f*** was I thinking??

It's very, very slowly coming together and granite, despite weighing 300tonnes a square inch is a fragile beast. I wish I'd hoofed £5k into a professionals pocket and let them get on with it. Never again.

Sent using Tapatalk
Been there, done that, kitchen cost double as I had to hire a pro to come and put right all of my shoddy workmanship .
 

Captain Sinister

Senior doom Monger
Can't remember if I've told this story anywhere on the boards before, but I remember, back when I was growing up, my Mum became fed up with the variety of different, cheap internal doors fitted across my parents house and tasked my Dad with replacing them all with brand new, good quality doors.
My Dad has always been very handy, but he hadn't tried his hand at this particular task before. He spend the best part of Day 1 cutting and planing down the first door, which would be the upstairs bathroom door. I remember he used some of the huge range of tools at his disposal getting the door to be the perfect size and completely straight/square...

...and that where he went wrong. As soon as he offered the door up to the hinges, it became very clear that the door frame itself was a very long way from square. Still, it was an expensive door and couldn't go to waste. To this day, when I visit my Dad's house, I chuckle at the bathroom door, with it's progressively increasing gaps from hinge to latch at the bottom, and vice versa at the top.
Brilliant story.
The one job I did to real professional standard was doing a concrete drive.
Nice gentle slope way from the house to the gulley; lovely flat surface with well thought out grooves for the incline up to the road.
I stood back and patted myself (metaphorically) on the back for a job well done.
After the concrete has gone off, Mrs S the 1st said "well then, go and get the car, that drive is perfect.
I knew the one set of car keys had been in my concreting trouser's pocket... the one with the hole.
So it was phone a locksmith to get a new set of keys cut.
I do wonder if subsequent owners of that house have ever fetched the concrete up to lay something like block paviers, or asphalt, and when breaking up the concrete, whether they found a set of keys for a long-ago scrapped Metro MG.

BTW: mortice fitted, and what's more a bit of plastic wood will neaten up the bits where the chisel went too wide.
As a bonus all fingers and thumbs are still intact.
 
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